Unseen Wounds: The Intersection of Trauma and the Queer Experience by Corey Stork, LMSW

Trauma does not happen in a vacuum. It weaves itself through the fabric of our identities experiences, and relationships. For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, trauma often arrives not only through individual events, but also through systemic patterns of exclusion, erasure, and violence. Understanding this intersection—where trauma and queerness meet—is not just essential for therapeutic healing, but also for building a more compassionate, inclusive world.

Queerness and the Inheritance of Trauma

From an early age, many queer individuals are acutely aware of what parts of themselves are “acceptable” and what parts need to be hidden for safety. This early conditioning—sometimes before we even have the words to name who we are—can become a root of complex trauma. It’s the ache of not being seen, the fear of rejection, and the slow erosion of authenticity. And while coming out is often framed as a moment of liberation (which it can be), it’s also a moment that can carry profound risk. Rejection from family. Loss of community. Threats to safety. These are not hypothetical fears; they are realities that many queer people endure.

Minority Stress is Traumatic Stress

The concept of minority stress—the chronic stress faced by members of marginalized groups—helps us understand how systemic discrimination impacts mental health. This includes:

● Microaggressions: The subtle slights and invalidations that chip away at one’s sense of worth
● Institutional Barriers: Being denied affirming healthcare, housing, or employment opportunities.
● Social Exclusion and; Grief: The loneliness of feeling like there’s no safe place to land and the loss of relationships we had before coming out.
● Internalized Oppression: The way systemic hate can become an internal voice of shame.

Each of these experiences might not be categorized as PTSD, but together, they accumulate—layer upon layer—until they begin to mirror the same symptoms: anxiety, depression, dissociation, hypervigilance, shame.

Queer Trauma is Not a Diagnosis—It’s a Response to a World That Has Not Always Been Safe

There’s a dangerous tendency to pathologize queerness itself when we ignore the traumatic contexts in which queer identities are formed. When someone presents with complex trauma and is also queer, we must ask not “what is wrong with you?” but rather “what has happened to you—and what has the world taught you about who you’re allowed to be?”

For many queer people, trauma shows up in the body and in the nervous system:

● The tightening of shoulders when walking past a group of strangers.
● The bracing that happens before correcting someone who uses the wrong pronouns.
● The numbness that follows a family dinner where identity is ignored or mocked.

This is trauma. It’s also survival.

Healing Is a Radical Act of Queer Resistance

Despite the pain, the queer community is a site of immense strength, creativity, and resilience. Chosen families, community organizing, drag culture, queer art, mutual aid, and grassroots therapy networks are all ways we tend to one another’s wounds. Healing in queer spaces is inherently revolutionary because it refuses to let systemic trauma have the final word.

In trauma-informed queer therapy, we focus on:

● Reclaiming the body as a site of safety and pleasure.
● Rewriting internalized narratives that tell us we are too much or not enough.
● Rebuilding relationships based on consent, curiosity, and compassion.
● Remembering joy, not as a luxury, but as a lifeline.

What Queer-Affirming Trauma Work Looks Like

As a queer-affirming therapist, I believe that healing happens in relationship. The therapeutic space must be one where all parts of a person are welcome—especially the ones that have been silenced. This means:

● Using inclusive language and respecting gender and relationship diversity.
● Naming systemic oppression as part of the trauma, not minimizing it.
● Creating rituals of care, reflection, and celebration.
● Recognizing that therapy doesn’t exist to “fix” you—but it can help you reclaim our power.

Final Thoughts: The Wound Is Not the Whole Story

Queer people are not broken. We are not damaged goods. We are survivors of systems that were never built with us in mind. And while trauma is part of the queer experience, it is not the totality. We are also pleasure-seekers, community-builders, magic-makers, and storytellers. In healing, we don’t just recover from what happened—we begin to imagine what’s possible when we’re allowed to show up fully as ourselves.

Finding Resilience: Therapy for Trans and Queer Individuals in Today’s Political Climate by Corey Stork, LMSW

The political climate in the United States has grown increasingly hostile toward transgender and queer individuals. Legislative attacks on trans healthcare, the rollback of LGBTQ+ protections, and the rise of discriminatory rhetoric create an environment of fear, anxiety, and isolation. In times like these, mental health support is not just beneficial… it’s essential. As a therapist specializing in LGBTQ+ communities and trauma, I provide a space where you can feel seen, understood, and empowered.

The Emotional Toll of Political Uncertainty

The constant stream of anti-LGBTQ+ policies and public discourse can take a serious toll on mental health. Many trans and queer individuals experience increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. It can be exhausting to simply exist in a world that debates your rights. Therapy offers a place to process these emotions, develop coping strategies, and build resilience against external pressures.

Creating a Safe and Affirming Space

Affirming mental health care is crucial, especially when many queer and trans individuals face discrimination from medical and psychological providers. My practice is designed to be a sanctuary where you don’t have to explain your identity or justify your experiences. Whether you’re navigating gender dysphoria, coming out, facing workplace discrimination, or struggling with trauma, I provide compassionate support tailored to your unique journey.

Healing Through Community and Shared Interests

Many of my clients find comfort in geek and nerd culture, whether through gaming, fandoms, drag, or other forms of creative expression. These passions can serve as powerful tools for healing. In therapy, we can integrate your interests into coping strategies, explore narratives of resilience in your favorite stories, and use community-based activities to combat isolation. Finding joy and connection in your interests can be a radical act of self-care in difficult times.

Why Therapy Matters Now More Than Ever

Seeking therapy isn’t just about managing distress—it’s about reclaiming your sense of self, setting boundaries against harmful rhetoric, and finding empowerment in your identity. No matter what challenges arise, you deserve support from someone who truly understands the intersection of queerness, mental health, and the complexities of today’s world.

Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or simply in need of a safe space to talk, I’m here to help. Therapy can be a transformative step toward resilience and healing. Click here to reach out today to start your journey toward affirmation, strength, and self-compassion.

Balancing Activism and Mental Health: A Guide for LGBTQ+ Folks and Other Marginalized Communities by Corey Stork, LMSW

In today’s political climate, many in the LGBTQ+ community and other marginalized groups find themselves caught between the urgent need to advocate for their rights and the equally important necessity of caring for their mental health. As a therapist who works with LGBTQ+ individuals, geeks/nerds, and those navigating trauma, I see firsthand how activism can both empower and exhaust. Here’s how to engage in the fight for justice while safeguarding your well-being.

1. Acknowledge the Emotional Toll
The current political landscape is fraught with challenges—anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, threats to bodily autonomy, and systemic injustices that affect many different communities. It’s natural to feel anger, fear, and frustration. Recognize that these emotions are valid responses to real threats, but also understand that chronic exposure to distressing news and activism-related stress can exacerbate anxiety, depression, and trauma symptoms.

2. Set Boundaries with Media Consumption
Staying informed is important, but constant exposure to negative news can be overwhelming. Schedule specific times to check news updates or social media, and avoid doomscrolling before bed. Curate your feeds to include uplifting stories, community successes, and accounts that inspire hope, not just outrage.

3. Find Your Activism Style
Activism doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people thrive at protests and rallies, while others may prefer writing, donating, educating, or supporting from behind the scenes. Identify what feels sustainable for you. Remember, your contribution matters whether you’re on the front lines or amplifying voices from your couch.

4. Build a Supportive Community
Surround yourself with people who understand your struggles and can offer emotional support. This might be friends, chosen family, online communities, or support groups. Sharing your experiences with others who “get it” can alleviate feelings of isolation and reinforce your sense of belonging.

5. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Engage in activities that replenish your energy, whether that’s diving into a favorite video game, reading a great book, practicing mindfulness, or simply resting. Physical self-care matters too: eat nourishing food, get enough sleep, and move your body in ways that feel good.

6. Know When to Step Back
It’s okay to take breaks. Activism is a marathon, not a sprint. Stepping back doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re preserving your capacity to keep going long-term. Pay attention to signs of burnout—emotional exhaustion, cynicism, or a sense of hopelessness—and give yourself permission to pause and recharge.

7. Seek Professional Support
If activism-related stress is affecting your daily life, relationships, or sense of safety, consider reaching out to a therapist, especially one familiar with LGBTQ+ issues and trauma. Therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions, develop coping strategies, and reconnect with your resilience.

8. Celebrate Wins, Big and Small
In the face of systemic oppression, even small victories matter. Celebrate the progress you and your community make, no matter how incremental. Acknowledging these wins can bolster hope and remind you why the fight is worth it.

Final Thoughts
Balancing activism with mental health care is not only possible—it’s vital. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your well-being is a crucial part of the movement. By setting boundaries, finding your unique role in activism, and prioritizing self-care, you can stay engaged in the fight for justice while nurturing your mental health.

Remember: You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. And your well-being matters just as much as the causes you champion.

Navigating Strong Emotions Post-Election by Corey Stork, LMSW

Many of us are struggling with the reality of our recent election results and experiencing very powerful emotional responses. We feel deeply invested in the outcomes - whether for personal, social, or professional reasons - and, naturally, emotions are running high. Anxiety, sadness, and even a sense of hopelessness are common after an election cycle, especially when the results don’t align with our values or expectations.

For some, this emotional reaction can be intense, even triggering symptoms of depression or anxiety. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s crucial to remember that you’re not alone. Here, as a therapist who often supports people navigating high-stress events, I’d like to offer some guidance for managing post-election emotions with care and resilience.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment

It’s natural to feel strong emotions, especially when we care deeply. The first step in managing these emotions is to acknowledge them. You might feel sadness, frustration, anger, or even fear. Recognize these emotions as valid, without feeling the need to label them as “good” or “bad.”

Mindfulness Practice: When emotions arise, try observing them as a passing wave, noting them without getting swept away. If you’ve ever played the game “Frogger,” you can imagine you’re jumping from log to log but not getting carried down the river. Simple statements like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed” or “This is a moment of pain” can help ground you.

2. Limit Your News and Social Media Exposure

The constant influx of news and social media updates can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, amplifying feelings of helplessness or fear. If you notice that scrolling or watching is worsening your mood, consider setting some boundaries around consumption of media.

Limit Checking Times: Try designating specific times in your day to catch up on the news rather than having constant exposure. For example, checking once in the morning and once in the evening may allow you to stay informed without getting overwhelmed.

Curate Your Feed: If certain accounts or pages increase your anxiety, consider unfollowing or muting them, even temporarily.

3. Connect with Supportive People

During times of stress, connecting with others can be one of the most powerful tools for finding balance. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can provide empathy, validation, and a sense of shared experience. As you may well know, not all of the people around you will have the same views as you, but connecting with those that are aligned can help reduce the sense of isolation.

Virtual Gatherings or Support Circles: Some people find relief in virtual gatherings or support groups, where they can talk openly about what they’re feeling. Many online communities provide safe spaces to share and process emotions in times like these.

4. Engage in Activities That Foster a Sense of Control

One of the hardest parts about dealing with strong emotions post-election is the feeling of helplessness. Focusing on areas where you can take small, meaningful actions can help you regain a sense of control and purpose.

Volunteer or Advocate Locally: If you feel moved to create change, channeling your energy into local causes or advocacy efforts can provide a constructive outlet. Even small efforts can lead to a feeling of empowerment and can have a big impact.

Personal Goals: Concentrate on goals within your own life that bring satisfaction. This could be a new project, a personal hobby, or a routine that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

5. Practice Self-Compassion and Rest

Strong emotions often lead to self-criticism or the belief that you “should” feel differently. Embrace self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Don’t get caught in the trap of comparing your emotions to those who have it “worse” than you. Your feelings are valid!

Rest and Recovery: Allow yourself to take breaks from the intensity. Engaging in self-care activities like exercise, creative projects, or simply getting extra sleep can restore a sense of well-being.

6. Seek Professional Support

For some, post-election stress can exacerbate symptoms of anxiety or depression. If you find that your mood is persistently low, or you’re experiencing significant distress, seeking help from a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions, develop coping strategies, and gain insight into how to move forward.

Conclusion

Processing emotions after an election can feel heavy, especially when we hold deep personal connections to the outcome. Remember, there are steps you can take to navigate this time with compassion and resilience. By acknowledging your emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and connecting with others, you can regain a sense of peace and focus in your daily life.

If the intensity of your emotions feels too much to manage alone, consider reaching out for support. You deserve to feel supported, heard, and validated through these moments.

Additional Resources: The podcast highlighted below is a timely addition to the election fatigue and anxiety so many of us are experiencing.

Check out Unravelling: Democracy and Distress: The Mental Health Impact of Politics (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unravelling/id1751187652)

How Pop Culture Can Be a Tool for Healing by Corey Stork, LMSW

In recent years, the term "geek therapy" has gained attention, especially with those of us who grew up immersed in fandoms, gaming, and pop culture. As a self-described nerd, I’ve found that integrating elements from geek culture can be a powerful tool for healing, connection, and growth. Your favorite shows, books, games, or movies aren't just entertainment - they’re sources of comfort, community, and even identity. So, why not use these passions as part of the therapeutic process!?

Incorporating pop culture into our therapeutic work weaves your unique geekiness - such as video games, comic books, superhero stories, role-playing games (RPGs), and fandom communities—into your healing journey. By tapping into the emotional and psychological connections you have with these interests, therapy can be more relatable and engaging. This approach recognizes that for many of us, these pop culture references are not just hobbies; they are an integral part of how we understand the world, form relationships, and cope with stress.

Why Pop Culture is a Powerful Tool for Therapy

1. Familiarity and Comfort: Pop culture often serves as a source of solace. Whether it's rewatching a favorite movie during tough times or finding community in online spaces, these familiar elements provide a sense of safety. In therapy, referencing a shared love of something like Naruto, Star Trek, or Harry Potter can create an immediate connection between therapist and client, breaking down barriers and helping us understand each other more fully.

2. Storytelling as a Healing Medium: Many people resonate deeply with the stories and characters they’ve followed for years. These narratives can be used in therapy to explore personal struggles. For example, someone dealing with loss might find comfort in discussing how they connected with the grieving process of Tony Stark in the MCU. By discussing fictional characters' challenges and growth, we can see parallels with our own experiences, helping us process our emotions from a safe distance.

3. Metaphors for Personal Growth: Superhero stories, in particular, are rich in metaphors for resilience, identity, and transformation. When you’re struggling with self-esteem, you might see parallels between your journey and the transformation of Peter Parker into Spider-Man, exploring themes of responsibility, courage, and self-acceptance. Using these metaphors helps you gain new perspectives on your challenges, leading to meaningful insights and breakthroughs.

4. Community and Identity: Fandoms are often tight-knit communities where people find belonging and identity. For those of us who feel isolated or misunderstood, these spaces can offer vital support. In therapy, we can explore how involvement in fandoms, cosplay communities, or gaming groups provides a sense of connection and purpose. This helps you build on your strengths, fostering a sense of belonging both inside and outside therapy.

5. Interactive and Engaging: One of the most unique aspects of geek culture is its interactive nature, especially in gaming and role-playing. Tabletop RPGs like DnD offer structured, imaginative worlds where players navigate complex social interactions, problem-solving, and decision-making. These games can be adapted for therapeutic use, allowing clients to "role-play" different aspects of their lives, practice social skills, and build confidence in a safe, creative space. By embodying a character in DnD, for instance, a shy human can transform into a bold and assertive half-orc paladin, leading to greater self-awareness and growth.

How I Incorporate Pop Culture Into Therapy

In my practice, I tailor therapy to meet clients where they are. If someone is a passionate gamer or dedicated to a fandom, I try to incorporate those interests directly into the therapeutic work. Here are a few ways I do this:

• Using Favorite Characters as Emotional Mirrors: If you relate deeply to a specific character—say, Frodo Baggins struggling with the weight of expectations—it opens the door to discussions about how they deal with their own pressures or self-doubt.

• Creative Assignments Inspired by Pop Culture: Assignments like “write a letter to your younger self as if you were giving advice to a Jedi apprentice” or “draw yourself as a superhero overcoming your biggest challenge” tap into creative energies and allow you to express difficult emotions in a more accessible way.

Benefits of Using Pop Culture in Therapy

1. Increased Engagement: Incorporating your unique interests into therapy helps you feel seen and understood by tapping into your natural interests and making therapy a space where you can explore personal issues in a way that feels comfortable and fun.

2. Emotional Distance: Pop culture provides emotional distance. Talking about someone else’s hero’s journey, for example, allows you to explore their own struggles with a bit more safety and less vulnerability.

3. New Perspectives: Through the lens of our favorite stories, we can gain new perspectives on our life challenges. These narratives often offer alternative ways of thinking about problems, which can spark new solutions in our real-world situations.

Final Thoughts

Pop culture bridges the gap between fantastical worlds and the real-life challenges we all face. By integrating fandoms, gaming, and beloved stories into therapy, we make healing more accessible, relatable, and even enjoyable. For anyone who feels that their passions are an important part of who they are, geek therapy can help transform those passions into powerful tools for growth and well-being.

So, whether you're a gamer, a cosplayer, an anime weeb, or simply someone who loves to get lost in the pages of a good graphic novel, know that your passions can be more than just a hobby—they can be a source of healing too.

Navigating Identity and Self-Acceptance: Strategies for Embracing and Affirming Your LGBTQ+ Identity by Corey Stork, LMSW

As a therapist, I have the privilege of supporting individuals on their journey toward self-discovery and acceptance. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, navigating identity can be both a profound and challenging experience. Embracing who you are involves confronting societal norms, personal fears, and sometimes internalized biases. Below are some strategies for embracing and affirming your LGBTQ+ identity by focusing on self-acceptance and resilience.

1. Understand Your Unique Identity
The first step in embracing your LGBTQ+ identity is understanding it. This won’t happen right away - it’s likely to be a lifelong process, and that’s okay! To start, engage in:

• Exploration: Take time to explore different facets of your identity. Read books, watch films, and engage with communities that resonate with your experience. Identity isn’t just about checking boxes - it’s about being our authentic selves.

• Reflection: Journaling can be a powerful tool. Write down your feelings, experiences, and thoughts about your identity. What does your identity mean to you personally?

2. Find Community
Connecting with others who share your experiences can be incredibly affirming.
Look for:

• Support and Social Groups: Many organizations offer support groups specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals. In Houston there are a wide range of social options to choose from, including sports organizations, book clubs, volunteering groups, and groups for “gaymers.”

• Online Communities: If in-person support isn’t accessible or you’re not ready for that yet, consider online platforms. Social media groups, forums, and chat rooms can provide a sense of connection and support!

3. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-acceptance often requires a healthy dose of self-compassion.

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Sometimes you may feel confused, angry, or sad. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment. They are part of your journey and you are not broken for feeling this way.

• Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Be aware of the way you treat yourself internally! Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that celebrate your identity.

4. Seek Support
If navigating your identity feels overwhelming or you’re just looking for insightful encouragement, consider seeking support from a therapist.

• Therapy: An LGBTQ+-affirming therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, identity, and any challenges you face.

• Resources: Therapists can recommend books, workshops, and other resources tailored to LGBTQ+ individuals.

5. Embrace Authenticity
Living an authentic life is a huge step on our road to self-acceptance, but everyone’s process and timeline looks different.

• Coming Out: You don’t need to come out right now! Only you get to decide if and when to come out to friends, family, and colleagues. Remember, this is your journey, and you can choose how to navigate it.

• Living Your Truth: Engage in activities that reflect who you are, whether it’s through fashion, art, sports, or community involvement. Celebrate your uniqueness!

Embracing and affirming your LGBTQ+ identity is a lifelong journey filled with challenges and triumphs. By understanding your identity, finding community, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support, you can cultivate a strong sense of self-acceptance. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Every step you take toward embracing who you are is a step toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. Embrace your journey and celebrate your unique identity!

Therapy for Friendships by Brittany Burch, Emotionally Focused Therapist

Friendships are some of my most important relationships. I’m so grateful to have a bestie since 7th grade, a few from college and different jobs, and one that lives down the street. I have a BFF from so many areas of my life, scattered throughout the world. I’m lucky like that. And I also have broken friendships that have ranked up there with some of my deepest heartbreaks. I wish I knew that therapy for friendships was an option before I lost those important friendships. That’s why I want to offer this service to you.

Seeking out a therapist for a fractured friendship isn’t common. In fact, I’ve never heard of it being done. And I think friendships need as much help as any other important relationship. Sometimes we hit an impasse, get our feelings hurt, get offended, get stuck. I’ve walked away from friendships because I didn’t know how to talk about my hurt. And I’ve had friends walk away from me, too. I didn’t know how to listen with an open heart. I was hurt, mad, and righteous. I’ve lost friends that meant the world to me. It still hurts.

Sure, some friendships are “for a season.” A work friend that drifts away after you graduate, leave the job, or move away. Those are sad, but don’t shake up your world. And some friends can endure through distance and time. Those friendships are lifelong treasures.

But what do you do when some misunderstanding happens, and you and your friend are both mad, hurt and at an impasse? Do you walk away? Is that the only option? Sounds like you need help working it out.

Maybe some Therapy for Friendships can help. I wish I had had that option, and that my friend would have gone to therapy with me. I have so much I wish I could share with her.

My teen came out as trans...now what? by Anna Eastman, LMSW

My husband and I received an email from our youngest child on a fall Friday afternoon. We didn’t communicate by email unless we were peppering her with questions about missing assignments. Hence the pit already in my stomach as I read, “I’m transgender. I don’t need to transition right now, but I do need to see a therapist as soon as possible” and “I’m sorry I had to tell you this in an email, but I love you very much.”

Maybe the news came to you in an email, a text, a handwritten note, an awkward, nervous conversation or an emphatic pronouncement. We’ve all heard about the young children who express from an early age that they are, contrary to what we as parents have understood thus far, a boy or a girl. Less often do we hear the stories of teens and young adults coming to their families with this news. Kids who really hadn’t given any signal that they might be grappling with their gender identity. I know I was overwhelmed - even as a person who had been an ally and advocate for the LGBTQ community for years. 

By the time our child got home from school that day, I had already contacted my therapist and another therapist friend who happened to have expertise working with trans kids and their families. We both had appointments the following week. I had book recommendations, trans friends to reach out to, and we had a community with an abundance of resources - but I was still flooded with feelings I did not expect. After telling my child I loved her first and foremost, I checked in to make sure she was ok, not at risk of self harm, and then held her, letting her weight sink into me. 

Thus began the process of our child figuring out how to live on the outside as the person she knew she was on the inside. We were an informed, openminded family - or so we thought. While our daughter had our family’s love and support from the get go, we had to relearn many of the basic assumptions and biases about gender we didn’t even know we’d lived with for so long. Our child had access to support through therapy; a safe, social gathering space with other trans kids; and sound, age-appropriate medical advice, but we needed support, too! 

As with many things, my husband and I received the news differently. It was not easy to find therapists for us that had a good understanding of what it meant to be trans, something critical for us to be able to clarify our feelings and support our child. Parents and family need spaces to ask questions about gender identity, pronouns, social and medical transition and process any overwhelm or fear you may be feeling separate and apart from your child- so you can be present for and with them to live joyfully as their true selves.

Transitioning has always been a profound and largely misunderstood process - but can be trickier - even treacherous - in today’s world. The trans community is under constant political assault in state legislature in Texas, and across the country. It is critical to note that while the recent implementation of SB 14 in Texas prohibits gender affirming medical care, it does not prohibit gender-affirming mental health care and treatment. Public funding, including Medicaid, CHIP, and Medical Assistance Program can still cover gender-affirming mental health care costs, nor does it penalize social workers who help transgender children and their families access gender-affirming medical care out-of-state.*

Every parent has a list of hopes and dreams for their child. Being trans might not have been on that list, but trans people who are loved and accepted by their families live joyful, productive lives. If you are on this journey with your child and find yourself needing support from an affirming therapist, please email me at anna@autumncounseling. I welcome you to call today.

*Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Expression (SOGIE)- Affirming Social Work:BEST PRACTICE – ETHICAL PRACTICE September 2023

Considering Couples Therapy?

By Brittany Burch, LCSW-S , LCDC, CGP - Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist

The decision to start couples therapy is a big one, and it brings up questions like:

·      “Does this mean my relationship is doomed?” or

·      “Are my partner and the therapist going to gang up on me?” and

·      “Am I just going to pay someone to watch us fight? I can do that at home, free of charge!”

True, you can! But it’s not really free, it’s costing you and your partner your emotional and mental wellbeing, and possibly your relationship!

When I get started with a new couple I typically tell them that my goal is to work myself out of a job – the job of being your relationship therapist. I want you out of my office and back into your life feeling revitalized, motivated, with identifiable action items and a stronger sense of hope. But before that can happen, we have work to do.

Getting started with a couples therapist is an important decision to make, and I want to share some key pointers to help in your decision-making process. These ideas are a blend of my own, drawn from my work with countless couples, my training as a certified Emotionally Focused Therapy couples therapist, and the writings of Ellyn Bader, PhD, co-founder of the Couples Institute in California.

Some things to reflect on before your first session:

·      Almost every couple coming into therapy mentions “communication problems.” If this applies to you, what does this mean for you, specifically?

·      If asked, could you name what your partner’s primary complaint/s are about you? Surely you know your frustrations with them, but can you summarize their frustrations?

·      Of course your partner needs to make some changes, but because you’re human, I’m guessing you do too. Can you summarize those as well?

Reflecting on these questions before arriving for your first session can help us get started right away. After all, time, money and your relationship are precious, so let’s get started!

Some thoughts about my approach to working with couples:

·      I see my primary role is to create an environment that supports you saying what you need to say in a way your partner can hear, and to help you really hear what your partner has been trying to tell you.

·      I help you track the cycle of conflict that erupts when the two of you aren’t understanding each other and communication is breaking down.

·      I work with each of you to create new approaches to old problems and see if you can find a new way to “dance” and stop stepping on each other’s toes.

Your job is to create your own individual objectives for being in therapy. Like a good coach, my job is to help you reach them. I have many tools to help you become a more effective partner – they work best when you are clear about how you aspire to be.

Goals and Objectives of Couples Therapy

The overarching goal of therapy is increasing your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply new knowledge to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones. Can you identify 2-3 goals you would like to address in therapy?

I often ask. my couples, “If in 3-6 months, your relationship was better (note: not perfect, but definitely better), how would you know? What would be different?”

The Big Picture

Most couples come in to therapy hoping to communicate how much their partner needs to change. Here’s the bad news: the key tasks of couples therapy are increasing your clarity about:

·      The kind of life you want to build together

·      The kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create

·      Your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you aspire to be

·      The skills and knowledge necessary to do the above tasks

The Challenge:

Going through the challenges of life can be really hard. Managing life and maintaining a relationship – much less a healthy, thriving relationship – seems all but impossible to many couples.  And doing more of what you’re already doing seems to just be making it worse. How do you shift from repeating the old patterns to finding new ways to communicate, understand each other, and really connect again?

I sometimes describe relationships like a rock tumbler. What goes in might be a hidden gem hiding within a hard, crusty surface, and relationships rub against our protective coating. Healthy relationships bring out a better version of ourselves – hopefully a shinier, brighter, gorgeous stone. But the polishing hurts, pushes our buttons and brings out the worst in us. Notice that key word? Healthy. I didn’t say EASY. Our work together isn’t easy, your relationship won’t become easy. But it can become healthier.

If you’re ready to take the next step, take a look at the Contact Us page on this website. We’ll set up a free 15-minute consultation call to hear more about what you want to address in our sessions. Talk to you soon! 

Special thanks to The Couples Institute for contributions to this blog. © 2009 - 2020 Copyright The Couples Institute

Interview with ZynneMe

Hello!

I was a guest on the Starting a Counseling Practice podcast with Kelly + Miranda of zynnyme, and the episode is now live! This podcast features inspirational stories like mine, and advice for building and growing a private practice. You can listen to my recent episode at https://www.zynnyme.com/blog/success-story-brittany-b.

If you’d like to share the episode with your friends, family, or colleagues, that would be great! Thanks for listening!

Brittany

They give me hope.

The first time I sought the counsel of a therapist was after my first heartbreak in college. I knew back then that I wanted to be a therapist, but that I had to understand myself before I could begin to understand how to help others. With the support of my counselor's compassion, life experience and encouragement, she assured me that my broken heart would mend, that I could do more to take care of myself, and that eventually life would feel good again.

What I wasn’t sure of the first time I sat on her couch was if she was right. As I shared my grief, and felt her kindness, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and hoped. I hoped that one day I would be able to turn my suffering into something useful that could help others.  I didn’t want to suffer just because “life is suffering.” That wasn’t good enough. I knew I was here to help others, I just needed to learn how to help myself first.

Once I got through the consuming ache of my sorrow, I started interviewing her about how she got to sit in that chair – the therapist’s chair. From that point on I dedicated myself to learning all I could about the human experience, about relationships, trauma, healing, and about myself.

Now, every day that I sit in the therapist’s chair, I am so grateful for the journey that has gotten me to a place where I can help hold someone else’s sorrow, grief, fear, or bewilderment, and help them make meaning out of it. There is a lot of suffering in this life, but there is also a lot of joy, a lot of beautiful days, a lot of love to share with friends and family. There is not a single thing I would rather do than help others reconnect with themselves, with their loved ones, and with a life that includes not only suffering, but much more beauty and joy.

One of the things I do every Monday is buy a bouquet of flowers for my office (it’s a self-care ritual). All week long they bring me joy and remind me of the abundant beauty in life. One afternoon I had a client on my couch, deep in his suffering. He looked up, glanced at the gorgeous bouquet of colorful roses, and said, “Those are beautiful. They give me hope.”

What to expect in your first therapy appointment

by Brittany Burch, LCSW-S, LCDC

In our first session, I'll orient you to my approach to therapy and I'll answer any questions you might have. We'll review why you are seeking counseling services at this time in your life and identify how you would like to see your life in 6 months. I always say 6 months - some changes happen quickly, some take more time, I cannot predict. But if your life felt better in 6 months what would it look like? Feel like? How would you know? Like any trip you're starting out on, you want to know what direction you're headed, and how you'll know when you get there, or at least closer to your destination.

Next we'll make sure I'm the best therapist to help you with your goals. I have a lot of experience helping people with a lot of different struggles: depression, anxiety, relationship challenges, traumas, addictions. And experience helping clients adjusting to the good changes: welcoming a new baby to the family, preparing for a marriage, moving in with your sweetheart, starting a new job. Even the good stuff that we plan for can be challenging! And if I'm not confident that I'm the best therapist to help you, I'll refer you to someone who I think has the skills and experience you need. The therapist/client relationship is like any relationship - it has to be a good fit and work well for both parties. 

Our session will be 45-50 minutes long, typically. Down the road, if you want to schedule a 75 minute session, we can plan that ahead of time. Therapy is hard and rewarding work so we'll use that time to lay a good foundation for the sessions ahead. I prefer to see my clients weekly at first, to get some traction and momentum. When you're able to use the skills we practice in my office in your daily life, we'll transition to twice monthly, then monthly, then if needed, periodic check ups. I often joke that my job is to work myself out of a job - I want you back in your life feeling better, more confident and living a life you've worked hard to live.

Last, we'll set up your next appointment and you'll pay for the session - my practice is pay-as-you-go so that you're in your budget and I am focused on services, not accounting. I provide receipts if you're submitting them to insurance companies for out-of-network providers. Then I'll wish you a good week and will look forward to seeing you next time!